D17 Happiness should not be on thin ice

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The first time I heard the sentence “Happiness is similar to walking on thin Ice” was a line from a Taiwanese TV series. At that time, I didn’t know what this sentence meant. I even checked the source and explanation. Over the years, my life experience began to accumulate layer by layer. Looking at this sentence again, there is indeed another understanding.

Everyone’s definition of happiness is different, but some “happiness” is exhausting. It’s like the garbage man theory I have shared before (D14 What’s near cinnabar goes red, and what’s next to ink turns black). These so-called “happiness” drag you down and make you doubt yourself, deny your own existence value, are any of the following situations happening to you?

1. You are always just an accessory of the other party

You are always just a dispensable accessory by his/her side. Your relationship is like a master and a servant. The other party doesn’t value your thoughts and opinions at all. All you need to do is to stay by the master’s side. , don’t bring any trouble to the master; if you behave well then he/she will reward you.

Your relationship has never been in a state of reciprocity, you will not be integrated into his / her life circle, and he/she will not actively want to know your life circle. You are always the one taking orders in this relationship, and you have no right to speak or the ability to express your will.

In this relationship, in order to cater to the other person’s preferences, you can only hide your truest personality and try to play the role designed for you to cater to the other person’s needs.

2. Your partner is your emotional controller

When you are with him/her, you can no longer control your emotions, you can only be led away all the time. When he/she treats you well, you can fly to the sky with joy, and when he/she ignores you, you will fall into the bottom of the valley, and your mood will go up and down like a mountain bike for a long time.

The other party doesn’t care about your emotions, your emotions and sorrows are not important to him/her at all, you have no way to share your feelings with, you can only choose to follow his footsteps and always match the rhythm of others

3. Refuse to communicate

In this relationship, you have been in a passive position, and you can only accept everything the other party gives you, even if you raise a problem, the other party has no interest in trying to solve it with you. Over time, you will choose to avoid all the topics that will cause disputes, and do not quarrel or argue.

Being together without honest communication, where no one knows what each other really thinks, leads to a fragile relationship. When the candid conversation disappears, the most basic sense of security in the relationship disappears. You will worry every day that the other party will leave, in the end, you will choose to hide your true self.

You may ask if the above situation is not an ideal relationship, then what is an ideal relationship? I think there are two most important elements: honesty and mutual respect

1. Be honest

The most important thing between couples is honesty. This kind of honesty is based on trust in each other. The candor here is not only that you can sincerely share your feelings in front of each other, but also that you can be yourself in front of him/her. Be sincere to be yourself, you don’t need to change yourself to suit the other person’s preferences, you love the most is the primitive one, not the person who pretends to be.

Another benefit of being honest is that misunderstandings can be avoided. I believe that many couples have been secretive to each other in order to avoid trouble, and all subsequent misunderstandings started from the original concealment and dishonesty.

Maybe you didn’t lie at all and didn’t say everything just to avoid trouble, but when your first lie is discovered, the trust will begin to crack, and it will be difficult for the other party to trust you again. At times, it will distort the facts in their own thoughts, further intensifying the contradictions and frustrating their feelings for each other.

It is a pity that in the process of growing up, we continue to experience frustrations, falling into the abyss again and again to suffer pain, and sometimes even losing the strength to stand up again.

We can’t help wondering why it’s so difficult to live happily when we grow up? Has God left me so that I no longer deserve to be happy? Have I lost the ability to be happy?

This book will help you find your happiness through a series of sharing and exercises.

2. Respect each other

When two people are together, it is a combination of two different individuals. Each of them will have its own strengths and weaknesses. In a relationship, everyone should be equal and complement each other.

In a relationship, sometimes we will try to change each other. You may want the other half to be more motivated, have a better posture, or change some habits. You will try to increase your expectations in the name of being good for him/her. But in fact, have you ever thought that the other party is also an individual with their own will, and have you ever respected the other party’s ideas?

Everyone has their plans and arrangements for their life. There is no reason to completely change for another person. When you get into this relationship, you clearly admire this person, why did you suddenly stop appreciating him/her after a few years? In the process of love, everyone cooperates with each other, and there is no problem in moving each other, but you should not make changes when you are forced to wrong yourself. In the long run, you will only become depressed and unhappy.

When two people get into a relationship, it is a process of making each other better together with mutual support. Sometimes you may walk slowly, and sometimes the other person will walk slowly, but the most important thing is that both of you will walk together. Happiness should not be trembling and walking on thin ice, but two independent individuals walking together and evolving into a better version of themselves.

I hope you enjoy today’s sharing and hope that you can find your own happiness.

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